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Calling All Phonies

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT cell phone users couldn't annoy technophobes any more than they have already; along comes a study by Rutgers University and the Washington D.C. based Ethics and Public Policy Center, which claims many cell phone users aren't actually having a conversation with a real person on the other end at all.

According to the study a significant number of cell phone users fake calls just for the benefit of those of us within earshot. That's right; people are using the cell phones to impress or deceive others. For example, a man might fake a conversation on a cell phone when approaching a single woman in the bar. The woman, on the other hand, might be having an impromptu conversation with her faux boyfriend just to be rid of the man. It seems cell phones have become a prop for social deception.

I have witnessed this phenomenon once or twice, most recently at a poker tournament. I was sitting at a poker table waiting for the tournament to begin and some 40ish, nondescript businessman pulled out his cell phone, dialed a few numbers, and put the headset to his ear. Sitting right next to him, it was difficult not to notice what he was doing. And in poker, observation is everything.

Bill Lumbergh, as I'll call him, began chatting about an "important client" and another "six-figure deal" he was closing, making it seem like it was oh so common. But Lumbergh wasn't speaking to anyone at all. How do I know? Other than his hokey story, he didn't press the 'send' button after dialing the telephone number. No, he didn’t just press one digit and hold it for a few seconds. He actually took the time to dial several numbers in a row. I am sure it was a ploy to impress (even scare) the other players at the table. I hoped he held his cards like he held his cell phone.

I don't find it surprising that some people use a cell phone as a prop to impress or deceive others. Before cell phones became a ubiquitous fashion accessory and status symbol, people used other inanimate objects to accomplish the same goal. The automobile and television are some of the other tools that have been used by imposters to dupe the unsuspecting. Cell phones, because they can be found in every purse and pocket, are just more convenient.

By the way, I beat Lumbergh's pair of queens with my ten-high straight and knocked him out of the tournament. For his sake, I hope he doesn't try that feeble stunt again any time soon…unless it’s against me. ■

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